Friday, October 3, 2008

I'm not going to write about politics

Because I spend too much of my time following the current affairs of the state (and vice versa), and I really don't want to spend all my time embroiled in it all.

This last week has been a good one, if a bit of a roller-coaster.

On Monday, I found out that I beat the mean on the scary Inorganic Chemistry prelim.

I went to see the Indigo Girls on Tuesday evening with Jan, Simon, and Sophia. That was a lot of fun--my friends weren't really Indigo Girls fans, but they had a good time. I had an amazing time, and am in the middle of an Indigo Girls crush, of course. They played all four of my favorite songs: (opened with) Pendulum Swinger, Shame on You, Closer to Fine, and the final encore, of course, was Galileo. "Closer to Fine" in particular resonated with me because of the third verse's relevance to what I'm doing now, and the chorus' relevance to what I'm doing after Cornell.

I went to see the Doctor of Philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knees
And he never did marry, or see a B-grade movie
But he graded my performance, and he said he could see through me.
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free.

So I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

On Wednesday, I got a really surprising e-mail, which has thrown me for something of a loop. And, later that day, the Paper Hats had a triumph: I was cashiering at Temple of Zeus. There was a New York Times. So, of course, I made a paper hat, and then another one for my fellow cashier. He didn't want his, though, so I started to offer them as "free" with a purchase of ... anything. For a while, nobody was very interested, but then things picked up, and I managed to give away an entire New York Times. Then I went to an appointment at the Deans' office, and gave away three hats there!

On Thursday (that was yesterday), there was a fun field trip to a bee yard. I had eaten bananas earlier, but did not get stung.

On Friday, I got a teaching evaluation and apparently "Have a lot of talent".

I've been thinking a lot about the dynamics of relationships. Not romantic-ones, friendship-ones. It seems to me like any time you trust anyone a lot, that person will let you down or hurt you in some way. So, there are then three main options: do nothing, cut them out of your life, or work on forgiveness/acceptance/moving on. Doing nothing is not something that works, because pressure builds up then until one of the other two actions are necessary. Cutting someone out of your life is something that I thought, two or three years ago, would be a good idea. But, if being hurt or betrayed in some major way is inevitable, then that option implies that one will never have any long-term friends. It'll just be a series of replacements.

Which thought wearies me beyond belief.

So, the third option, trying to fix things mutually, is the only real viable one. But along with this comes the obligation of total honesty, and a lot of emotional growing and work. This is not easy. It is worth it, but it's very far from easy. I was going to write more, but that's kind of tipping my hand, since (a) I'm paranoid and (b) this blog's google-able.

Over and out.

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